It's a Long Way Back
by neurogoddess
Summary: My take on what should have happened from episode 11.21 onward
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It had been a good day.

Surveying the scene as the last ambulance pulled away from him, Derek Shepherd took a few moments to reminisce on the days' events. It had started the way he wanted all of his mornings to start from now on – in bed with his wife. Mentally glossing over the finer details of their morning, Derek smiled at the agreement they had reached at the end of their conversation.

More.

More of him and Meredith. More time spent with his family. And best of all, more kids. He loved having two kids, Zola and Bailey were the lights of his life, but with Bailey being almost two, he couldn't really be called a baby anymore; and Derek wanted another baby. There was a time in his life where he couldn't have ever imagined wanting a house full of kids. One, maybe two, was what he always thought he wanted, or at least what his mother wanted for him. But ever since Meredith, then Zola, and then Bailey had come into his life, having more kids no longer felt like an obligation. It just felt...right. As an added bonus, he could promise to never leave his family again.

It had killed him every time he left Seattle for DC, and it had nearly killed his relationship. He remembered the roller coaster of emotions he had experienced that night in the kitchen upon his most recent return from DC. The sorrow he had felt when Meredith had told him that she could live without him, quickly followed by the uplifting joy he experienced when she followed that up with the fact that she didn't ever want to. In that moment he had fallen in love with his wife all over again, and he had silently vowed to show her how much every day from then on.

Speaking of which…He glanced at his watch. Obviously, he had missed his flight, but there was no reason he couldn't return home and surprise Meredith. His big, grand romantic gesture of quitting his job was now ruined, however, he was pretty sure it was nothing a night in bed with his wife couldn't fix.

Pausing before getting back into his car, Derek admired the view. Washington really was gorgeous. All of the sights, sounds, and smells of New York City now seemed like a distant, and slightly discomforting, memory to him now. Even in the country, New York had never felt like this. Washington was just free; clean. Even the air seemed fresher, like you could almost taste the evergreen trees that were so prevalent everywhere. Breathing deeply from his perch on the overlook, Derek watched as a pair of bald eagles returned to their nest. Far below him, a river slowly meandered its way to Puget Sound, sparkling when light glanced off the water at just the right angle. The setting sun was barely kissing the horizon, but already the sky was alight with a dazzling array of reds, pinks, oranges, and faint tints of blue and purple. It truly was magnificent.

Walking back to his car, Derek recalled the voicemail he had left Meredith earlier that morning from the ferry. He had promised that they were going to ride ferry boats when he got back, but now he wanted to amend that statement. Not only were they going to ride the ferry boats, but he was also going to bring Meredith back up to this precise spot to show her the glorious view. It would be the perfect place, he thought, to truly rekindle their relationship. They could continue on with a clean slate.

Grinning at the thought, Derek unlocked his car and settled himself in the seat. As he started to pull out into the road, he groped for his cell phone. He needed to call Meredith, to tell her of his new plan.

He was still smiling when the semi-truck unexpectedly barreled into his car.

And everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The sirens should have been the first clue that something was wrong.

Being a surgeon, Meredith Grey was accustomed to the wailing sounds. Sirens were good. Well, not good for everyone, she supposed. But for her sirens meant traumas. Sirens meant bloody, broken bodies that needed to be fixed in long, complex surgeries. So when the sirens woke Meredith from her quick nap in an on-call room, she returned to consciousness with a smile on her face.

Rubbing her eyes in an attempt to rid herself of the mental haze left over from her nap, she quickly realized something was not right. For starters, she shouldn't be able to hear the sirens from the on-call room. Maybe she had fallen asleep on a gurney in the pit accidentally? Meredith frowned, her hands leaving her eyes and moving to straighten her clothes. Her fingers touched soft cotton and she realized with disappointment that she was not wearing scrubs. A little bit irked now, Meredith willed herself to wake up faster. Now she was going to have to go find scrubs before she could operate. As her eyelids parted slowly Meredith took in her surroundings, and then suddenly jolted awake. She was in her own bed. The sirens were at her house. Instinctively she reached over for Derek, finding only cold sheets where he usually slept. She quickly remembered that he had gone to Washington DC to resign from his job with the presidents' brain mapping initiative. As she got out of bed, she glanced at the clock; he should have been home by now.

Meredith grabbed her robe from the floor and put it on as she walked out of her bedroom to investigate. As she stood in the living room, bathed by flashing red and blue light, she ran another mental inventory. Both of her kids were at home with her and neither of them were crying, so that couldn't be it. She didn't smell smoke, so the house wasn't burning down. None of the security alarms had been activated; it wasn't a break-in. So why the sirens?

Padding across the floor to the window, her mind flashed through many unlikely scenarios. Maybe there had been a trauma so big that the hospital had sent the police to bring her back. Or maybe it was one of those 911 prank calls that she had heard about on the news, the ones where kids would report crimes at random addresses….what were those called?. Or maybe the president had given Derek a police escort back from the airport. She smiled at the thought. Derek would enjoy that. As her thoughts turned to Derek, she thought of another scenario, this one more likely than the others. Before her imagination could race too far away from her, she was interrupted by a knocking at the door. When she opened it she found two uniformed police officers. One was older; his graying hair and rounder body gave him away as someone who had years of experience sitting in his squad car. She assumed he was training the younger officer, because the rookie looked extremely uncomfortable standing in front of her right now, unlike his older partner.

"Meredith Shepherd?" the rookie asked.

Startled by the use of Derek's last name instead of her own, Meredith responded with a brief, "um, no".

"Oh," replied the young officer, clearly flustered now, "so this isn't the residence of a Dr. Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes, it is," Meredith responded.

At this point the older officer took pity on his younger partner and continued the conversation himself.

"Ma'am we're looking for the wife of Dr. Derek Shepherd, is that you?" When Meredith gave a brief nod, he continued, "There's been an accident, ma'am, we need you to come with us."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She'd had this dream before. Every time it was slightly different, but all of the dreams were variations on a common theme – Derek dying. The worst dream she could remember having had occurred the night after her house of candles confession; the night after she and Derek had truly gotten together for the last time. In her dream she had watched, helpless, as her friends at then-Seattle Grace hospital had attempted to save Derek's life after a traumatic car crash. She still remembered the gut-wrenching terror that had woken her up. She felt a lot like that now. Except this wasn't a dream, and waking up wouldn't make this go away.

Through her shocked stupor she faintly heard the voice of the younger police officer,

"Ma'm? Are you alright? Can you hear me?"

Frozen, Meredith willed herself to speak, move, react at all, but couldn't. As the policeman approached her cautiously, she found herself recalling something Derek had once said to her,

" _When there's a crisis you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward."_

Derek wouldn't expect her to stand here and cry. Derek would expect her to do something, to move forward.

Shaking her head, Meredith pulled herself out of her shock-trance and turned to the police officers.

"I need to get my kids out of bed. We're going to drop them off at a friends house and then you're going to take me to my husband. I'll be ten minutes. Wait here."

Slamming the door in the shocked faces of the officers, Meredith walked back through the house. Finding clothes on the floor by her bed, she pulled them on as she tried to figure out what to tell her kids. Bailey was too young to know that anything was wrong, but Zola was smart and perceptive. She would be able to tell from her mother's behavior that something was amiss. She decided to tell the truth, leaving out all of the disturbing details. She walked into her daughter's very pink room and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Zo-zo, honey, I need you to wake up," Meredith murmured as she rubbed her daughter's back.

"Mommy, it's still dark outside," her daughter responded groggily, "why do I have to get up now?"

"Baby, Daddy got hurt in a car accident," Meredith told her daughter; leaving out the details because she herself didn't even know how bad it was. "You need to get up so you can go to Aunt Callie's while Mommy goes to see him"

As Zola got ready, Meredith put Bailey in his stroller. She glanced around her kitchen, still bathed in the red and blue flashing lights from the police cars. Only a couple of hours ago she had been teaching Zola how to do a whipple on her doll as Bailey babbled at them from his highchair. She had thought her life was perfect. It was funny how in only an instant her seemingly perfect reality had turned into a nightmare.

 _Bright. Pain. Ouch._

Derek carefully opened his eyes, only to quickly shut them again. He wasn't at home. He had to get there. As he tried to sit up, he was disappointed to find that his body wouldn't cooperate. Hearing a conversation nearby, he opened his mouth to speak – only to quickly discover that even his facial muscles had failed him.

"I want him. I was here when the paramedics brought him in. I caught him. He's mine."

"But you got the last fun one. I'm not gonna get stuck in the pit doing sutures all day. Again."

"It would be good for you. You need the practice. Now move, I'm go-"

At this point the male voices were interrupted by a different, female, voice.

"Do you children even know who this is? The man you're fighting over like vultures with road kill is Derek Shepherd, one of the best neurosurgeons of this century. So you two can BOTH go do sutures, because this man deserves much better than the level of care either of you can give him."

 _Good,_ thought Derek as he drifted out of consciousness again, _she's going to make sure I'm okay._

Meredith jumped out of the police car before it even came to a complete stop. She had absolutely no idea what awaited her inside. The two officers had been on their radio the whole time, but nobody seemed to have any idea about Derek's condition. Leaving the officers outside to take the statement of the truck driver, Meredith sprinted into the hospital. Her eyes quickly glancing across the other patients- a middle aged woman, two teenagers, and a young girl -Meredith noticed the curtain drawn around a bed in the back of the ER. Fully expecting the worst, Meredith began a slow trudge toward the bed. However, her walk turned back into a run when she noticed the flurry of activity behind the curtain. Her husband was alive. Within earshot now, she heard an older male doctor barking orders.

"Let's get him ready for transport to OR 2. His abdomen is rigid. We need to control this bleeding before it's too late"

"Wait!" interjected a younger, female doctor. "We need to get a head CT. He's sustained a significant amount of head trauma, we need to make sure there's no damage."

"No time," responded the older man, "this abdominal bleeding can't wait."

"But Dr-"

"No. You don't get to be difficult this time Edie. Not when the patient is Derek Shepherd. I will not be responsible for killing one of the world's best neurosurgeons."

"Damn right you won't," stated Meredith, finally finding her voice as she pulled back the curtain, "which is why you'll get the CT."

All eyes turned to Meredith as the startled doctors acknowledged her presence. Meredith, meanwhile, was looking down at her husband. His neck was in a brace and his abdomen was clearly distended. There was also a large laceration to his forehead in addition to the many other cuts and bruises peppering his arms and chest. He clearly wasn't in good shape, but at least he was alive.

"Ma'm," started the older doctor, "we ask that all family remain in the waiting room. We realize this is scary, but your husband is in the best possible hands."

Perhaps it was the doctor's dismissal. Or the fact that Meredith didn't have complete faith in their medical abilities. Or maybe she simply didn't want to leave her husband. Whatever the reason, Meredith had made up her mind and there was only one thing left to say.

"He's not my husband."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"He's not my husband."

It wasn't the truth, but Meredith knew she had to do this to save Derek. If the doctors knew that Derek was her husband, they wouldn't let her be in the ER with him or even see his chart. And there was no way she was going to leave her husband in the hands of these obviously incompetent doctors. They wouldn't even order a head CT for someone who had clearly sustained head trauma! In order to advocate for Derek she had to lie, no matter how painful it was.

The younger doctor was the first to ask the question that everyone had been thinking,

"Ma'm? If you're not his wife then who are you? And why are you here?"

" _Crap,"_ Meredith thought, " _I didn't completely think this through."_

As she stood over the battered body of her husband, a plan formed in Meredith's head; a plan so crazy and risky that she didn't even think it would work. It would all hinge on her assumption that none of the doctors recognized who she was. Finally her inability to publish or take her career to the next level was useful for something.

"My name is April Kepner," declared Meredith, the confused faces of the hospital staff giving her hope that her crazy plan was going to work. "I'm a neurosurgeon at Grey Sloan Memorial. You've probably never heard of me because I work under Derek Shepherd, but I can assure you that aside from him, I'm the best neurosurgeon there is."

"Respectfully Dr. Kepner," the older doctor started, "it's not exactly protocol for doctors from other hospitals to come here and take control of their colleague's care."

"Well nothing about this is protocol, is it?" argued Meredith. "It would be protocol to get a head CT for every patient who comes into this ER with signs of head trauma. But you're not going to do that, so clearly we're way past adhering to protocol."

The older doctor was clearly annoyed and tried to appease her.

"Alright Dr. Kepner, we'll do the CT. Now I need for you to go back to the waiting room and someone will be out to update you shortly."

"No." Meredith stood her ground. "You've already almost killed him by skipping the CT. I'm not going anywhere in case you try to cause him more damage."

The tension in the room was palpable. Everyone in the ER had stopped what they were doing to watch the showdown between Meredith and the other man. The doctor once again opened his mouth to speak, but Meredith had had enough. Her husband was dying in front of her and she was not about to wait around and argue with this imbecile while he did.

"Listen Paul," she spat; reading the doctor's name off of his nametag. "I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you while Derek Shepherd dies in front of us. And if you still need persuading maybe I can call someone. You've clearly never heard of me, but perhaps you've heard of some of my family members? My husband is Jackson Avery. His mother is Catherine Avery. So that makes the head of the Harper Avery foundation my mother-in-law. Maybe I should call her up to tell her about the appalling care my mentor is receiving at this third-rate hospital? Yes, I think I will."

As Meredith reached in her pocket for her phone she noticed that the faces of every medical professional in the room had gone very pale. Her name-dropping had done the trick. Even Paul seemed shocked. His open, gaping mouth reminded her of the fish Derek often brought home after his fishing trips.

"Fine," said Dr. Paul, once he recovered his voice, "we'll do the CT. And you can stay."

Then a flurry of instructions were issued as Derek was prepped for transport. "Secure his chest tube" "Hook him up to a portable monitor" "Call ahead to CT so they know we're coming. This patient goes to the front of the line." In the midst of the chaos Meredith stood back, taking a moment to collect herself. Her gamble had paid off, but it also meant that she had just become a doctor on her own husband's trauma case. She had to compartmentalize if she was going to get through this. Derek would have to become just another patient, nothing more.

Later, sitting in the CT booth, she found herself next to the young female doctor from the ER. Her nametag indicated her name was Edie. The tear silently trickling down her face indicated she was upset.

"You remind me of myself," Meredith said, trying to keep her mind off of her husband. "You're smart and you've got good instincts. You just need to learn how to deal with people who think you know nothing, simply because you're inexperienced. As a doctor, experience is important, but it's not everything. You need to advocate for your patients; be their voice. Know that just because you're young, it doesn't mean you're wrong."

Edie wiped the tear off her face as she spoke,

"I know I can be a good doctor. But how am I supposed to advocate for my patients when I can't even advocate for myself? Anything I say is immediately shot down by someone - I'm just a shadow. A shadow with no opinion"

"You can't listen to what they say," responded Meredith, her eyes flicking over to the scans appearing on the screen, "once you stop caring what other people think and stand up for yourself you will…"

Edie gave her a confused look as she trailed off. "Dr. Kepner? What is it?"

"You tell me Edie," responded Meredith as she pointed to a region on the scan. "What is that?"

"A massive subdural hematoma that needs to be operated on before it gets any worse."

At this point Dr. Paul re-entered the conversation

"We just paged Dr. Cohn, our neurosurgeon. He'll be here in an hour. So I can get started on the abdominal bleeding and once he gets here he can deal with the brain bleed."

"An hour's too long. If this bleed isn't operated on as soon as possible Dr. Shepherd's brain could swell to a point where he could be at risk for neurological deficits or death." At this point Meredith began to panic. There was no neurosurgeon and her husband was getting weaker by the minute. This time there was little she could do. Unless… It had been a while since she had scrubbed in on a neurosurgery, but it was just like riding a bike, right? Once she got into the OR she would know exactly what to do.

"I'll do it," Meredith stated.

"No," this time it was Dr. Paul's turn to protest. "I can't let you be responsible for this man. I mean you're not even a doctor at this hospital. What if som-"

He was interrupted by the sound of monitor alarms from the other room.

"Doctors!" a nurse yelled through the PA system, "His blood pressure's falling and he's crashing!"

Dr. Paul turned back to Meredith and said, "Fine. You can operate on the hematoma while I operate on the abdominal injuries. But you better not screw this up."

Meredith was right. As soon as she had stepped into the OR, everything Derek taught her had come back. Though she had had to ignore the small part of her conscious that was constantly informing her that this was a very bad idea, the surgery had gone well. She had performed a perfect craniotomy and had found and fixed the bleed. Edie was even proving to be a pretty useful assistant. Everything looked good. She was just about to close when the door to the OR opened and a furious voice yelled,

"Dr. Grey, what the hell are you doing?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The whole ER froze as the booming voice of Richard Webber echoed in the confined space. Meredith could feel the eyes of all the doctors and scrub nurses turn to her. For a few seconds, the room remained in blessed silence. Then Dr. Paul found his voice.

"Yes, Dr. Grey. What the hell are you doing? Because if you are in fact Dr. Grey and not Dr. Kepner that would make the man you are operating on your husband. And if this is true then you have put not only him, but my hospital and your medical license in jeopardy. So please, tell me what on earth you are doing."

"Well," started Meredith, "right now I'm closing this craniotomy."

"NO!" exclaimed Dr. Webber and Dr. Paul at the same time. After a silence that would have been awkward in any other situation, Dr. Paul continued.

"No. You will not be closing this craniotomy. You will not be doing anything else in this OR. The only thing you will do is to go out to the waiting room where you will wait, like all other family members, until we are done and come to update you."

Meredith never took her eyes off of her work as she responded to Dr. Paul.

"I will not leave my husband's head open on the table. The longer his brain remains exposed, the greater the risk of infection, swelling, re-injury…." She trailed off as the OR phone rang. A nurse walked over to answer it, and after a brief conversation returned to the table.

"Dr. Cohn is ten minutes out," she informed Dr. Paul.

"Good," he responded. "Now, Dr. Grey, you will leave this OR. Edie will monitor the patient until Dr. Cohn can get here to close the craniotomy. Your work here is done."

Meredith turned to Edie as she set her tools down.

"Cover him with a sterile towel. Make sure you irrigate every two minutes to prevent tissue damage or infection. If his brain swells then push Manitol. Do you understand?"

Once Edie had responded that she did, Meredith stepped away from the table. As she pulled off her gown and gloves she found herself fighting the overwhelming urge to cry. _No,_ she told herself, _not here. Don't give them the satisfaction._ On her way out she passed Dr. Webber, who followed her out of the OR. She was expecting him to yell too, or at least give her one of his lectures, but he said nothing. Once she had scrubbed out, he merely took her hand and led her toward the waiting room. It was only then, in a secluded corner, that Meredith finally let herself break down. Leaning on Richard's shoulder, she sobbed as she finally comprehended the seriousness of what had just happened. She had operated on her husband; on his brain. In any other situation she would have seen the irony in what she had done-performing neurosurgery on a neurosurgeon- but not this time. She was a general surgeon, it had been years since she'd done a neurosurgery. If she had made even the slightest mistake she could have been responsible for killing her husband. Thinking of all the hypothetical outcomes only made her cry harder. She buried her head in Richard's shoulder and finally allowed herself to play the part of the grief-stricken wife.

Later, after her crying subsided she wiped her tear-stained face and looked up at Richard.

"How did you know I was here?" she asked; something she had been wondering ever since he had showed up in the OR.

"Callie called," he replied. "She said that she wouldn't be able to make it in for a surgery because she was watching your kids. She also mentioned what had happened and where I could find you. When Adele was sick you were always there for me, so I figured I would return the favor and come support you. But when I got here the nurses told me that a Dr. Grey had never arrived. They were, however, still talking about how a Dr. Kepner had stormed into the ER and taken over Derek Shepherd's case. Now, I know that April has changed a lot over the past few years, but barging into another hospital for Derek Shepherd? That I couldn't see. I put two and two together and found you. I still don't understand why you did it, though."

"I had to," Meredith said weakly, "because I wasn't about to let my husband die. They weren't going to get a head CT before they took him to the OR. That was one of the first things Derek taught me – when there's head trauma, you always get a CT to check for a bleed. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if my husband had died when there was something I could have done. So I may have used April's name and family connections to get what I wanted. I won't deny that what I did was wrong. However, I don't feel sorry that I did it. My husband is alive because of me. I can't be sorry about that."

Apparently that answer was enough to placate Richard because he didn't reply. They sat in comfortable silence until a set of double doors opened down the hall. Dr. Paul walked toward them, trailed by Edie and a balding, middle-aged man who Meredith assumed was Dr. Cohn. As they approached, Meredith kept an eye on their facial expressions.

As a surgeon, she had had years of practice controlling her emotions. Surgeons couldn't be emotional. In the OR they had to make quick decisions with their patients' best interests in mind. They couldn't get attached to their patients, or they would find it difficult to make choices about their care. And most importantly they couldn't allow their faces to reflect how they were feeling, especially when updating a patient's family. Experienced doctors they were, Dr. Paul and Dr. Cohn were used to keeping their emotions in check. Edie, though, was not.

One look at Edie's face was all Meredith needed to know something had gone wrong. She jumped out of her seat and ran towards the doctors.

"What happened?" she asked; more desperately than she intended. After a pregnant pause, Dr. Cohn was the one who answered.

"Dr. Grey, in the time it took me to get up to the ER your husband's brain started to swell. Edie noticed this and pushed the Manitol. Unfortunately, your husband also suffered a moderately severe concussion during his accident. This, coupled with the swelling, caused significant damage to his brain. In order to allow his brain time to heal, I have placed him in a medically-induced coma for the time being. We won't know the extent of his neurological deficits, if there are any, until he wakes up."

"And when will that be?" asked Meredith. Though she already knew the answer, she needed to hear it from someone else.

"We will monitor your husband very closely. Once his scans show that the swelling has gone down we will be able to attempt to bring him out of the coma However, every patient is different. It could take anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks for your husband's brain to return to normal. But for now, just know that your husband is alive. He's currently being moved from recovery to a bed in the ICU. You can see him in a few minutes."

As the two men left the waiting room, Meredith noticed Edie walking in a different direction. After telling Richard to meet her in the ICU, she followed Edie through the hospital and outside into the parking lot, where she sat on a bench. She looked up as Meredith approached, allowing her to see the tears once again streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "You gave me one job to do and I totally messed it up. It's my fault, what happened. I'm so sorry."

Meredith waited for Edie's sobs to subside. Once the hysterical sobbing had lapsed into sniffling Meredith began to speak.

"Edie, you don't know if this is your fault. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Sometimes things like this just happen. So what do you do?" she paused as Edie gave a small sob in response. "You learn. You remember what happened tonight and use it to become a better doctor. There will always be patients, there will always be tough cases. What you learned tonight is how important it is not to get emotional. Now. You're going to stop crying because it's undignified. Wipe your face and take me to the ICU so I can see my husband."

Shakily, Edie rose to her feet. After a few seconds she silently held out her hand for Meredith to shake. Startled, Meredith took it. For a while they just stood there, allowing themselves to be comforted by the others' presence. Then Edie broke away.

"Come on," she said, "let's take you to your husband."

* * *

Meredith had seen her husband in hospital beds before, but never like this. Even after he had been shot it wasn't this bad. Because of the coma he was intubated, his breathing controlled by a ventilator. The chest tube that had been placed in the ER was hooked up to suction. He had multiple IVs providing him with a constant supply of fluids and antibiotics. And the bandage wrapped around his head was Meredith's constant reminder of what she had done. Though she felt guilty about it, Meredith wasn't even sure if she recognized her husband through all the machines. This man was weak and beaten, nothing like her vibrant husband. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't notice that Dr. Webber had entered the room until he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Richard!" she exclaimed, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry to startle you," he answered. "I just got a call from the hospital. A massive trauma is coming in and they need me to get back so I can help. Before I left I just wanted to let you know that I am suspending you."

At that, all of the anger that Meredith had been containing began to bubble up. She opened her mouth to give Richard a piece of her mind, but he kept talking before she could.

"Before you yell," Dr. Webber continued, "I want you to know that I'm doing this for you. You need to be here, with Derek. You can't be a surgeon and a caregiver, trust me, I've tried. So for now, think of this as a break, not a punishment. Nobody will blame you for spending your suspension here, with Derek. And after that stunt you pulled today, Dr. Paul's out for blood. This should appease him and the hospital board." And with a wink he was gone, leaving Meredith alone once again.

Taking Derek's hand she put her head down on the bed. _He will wake up,_ she thought. _He has to._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _He was floating. It was nice, peaceful. He couldn't feel his body, but he figured it was better that way. Every now and then he would float by voices. He would hear snippets of conversations before they faded away. He guessed that if one could listen to the radio in slow motion, this is what it would sound like. He was comfortable, warm and perfectly content. Then he approached voices of a different pitch. They were yelling; and they were disturbing his peace. As he drifted by, he picked out words like_ "accident" "nurse" _and_ "doctor". _And then he left the angry noise behind, floating off to a happier place._

* * *

Meredith awoke to a stabbing pain in her neck. Gingerly raising her head she found herself seated at Derek's bedside, where she assumed she'd fallen asleep the night before. One quick glance at Derek was all it took to dash her hopes that anything had changed from the night before. His hand was cold and limp in her own. Turning it over, she lightly traced the small scar that remained from his nerve repair surgery a year and a half ago; the only outward reminder of the horrific plane crash. To have survived that, and now this? Surely the universe had to be out of sick and twisted events to throw their way.

For a while she was content to sit and listen to the beeps of the monitors reassuring her that Derek was alive, albeit due to the life support machines. _You know,_ said a nasty voice in her head, _he might not be on those machines. If you had fought a little harder he could be okay right now._ Meredith shook her head to clear it of the doubt. It wasn't her fault that Derek was in a coma. It wasn't Edie's or anyone else's fault. She was a doctor. She knew that sometimes things just happen. The human body, for all of medicine's advances, was still a mystery. The body of each person has a different reaction to trauma. Derek's reaction caused his brain to swell. In another person it could have lead to any number of other things.

 _No,_ thought Meredith, _I did fight hard enough. I saved his life. I did everything I could._

Meredith was startled out of her reverie as the sliding glass door behind her opened slowly. A peppy-looking young nurse entered the room and, noticing Meredith was awake, spoke directly to her.

"Good evening Mrs. Shepherd! My name is Hannah and I'm here to check your husband's vitals. I'll start by taking his heart rate. Then I'll-"

"I know how this works," Meredith interrupted curtly. "I'm a doctor. And my name is Dr. Grey."

Startled, the nurse finished her task in silence and walked out with a nod in Meredith's direction. She was a little hard on the poor nurse, Meredith supposed. After all, she was only doing her job. Meredith knew that worried family members could quickly become angry, she saw it every day. But, like most things that had happened in her life, she never thought that angry family member would one day be her.

Remembering the nurse's "good evening", Meredith glanced down at her watch. 7:23 PM. Derek's room had no window, so there had been no way of knowing that she had spent almost the whole day asleep. Then she remembered that it had been almost twenty-four hours since she last saw her kids. As she was reaching into her coat pocket for her cell phone, the door behind her opened again and Nurse Hannah reappeared.

"Dr. Grey?" she asked urgently. "There's another Dr. Shepherd here to see you. I tried to tell her this wasn't a good time, but she's very upset. Do you want me to-"

At this point she was interrupted as the door slammed open to reveal Amelia Shepherd in a furious rage.

"WHAT THE HELL, MEREDITH?"

* * *

Nurse Hannah may as well have been the queen of understatements, because Amelia was way past upset. She was a ball of churning anger, and once she got started there was no stopping her.

"You couldn't have bothered to inform me that my brother, my only brother, was in a car accident? Actually, I don't think car accident is even the right term. Let's see, how's this? You couldn't have bothered to tell me that my brother was almost killed today? I had to find out from one of my scrub nurses. While I was in surgery. And speaking of surgery, let's talk about the fact that you performed a craniotomy on your HUSBAND. Something you had to know was clearly wrong because you impersonated another doctor to do it! Then you left him in the care of some third-rate doctor in this backwoods sausage factory and now he's a potato! And in all of this, not even a call or a text? No 'hey Amelia just wanted to let you know your brother's barely alive'. No 'Amelia, I'm going to perform brain surgery on your brother now'. Not even a 'just wanted to let you know that your brother's in a coma'. Nope. What do I get? I get to find out through the gossiping scrub nurses in my OR!"

At this point Amelia paused to take a breath and Meredith used the moment to her advantage. Pointing at Derek she gestured and asked,

"Maybe we should take this outside?"

"Why, Meredith?" asked Amelia, clearly winding up again, "because our yelling might bother Derek? He can't hear us." She snapped her fingers in front of his face for emphasis. "I wonder why that is? Oh, right. He's in a coma. A coma that could cause him permanent brain damage. Or that he may never wake up from. And that makes me want to yell because I'm terrified. I'm terrified that he might not wake up and then all of the men I loved in my life will have died!"

Amelia struggled to finish the last words of her tirade as she fought back tears. When she finished yelling she sank into the chair and gave in to her emotions. Meredith silently watched as Amelia buried her face in her hands and sobbed. After a while Amelia looked back up at Meredith,

"I'm scared," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I know," Meredith responded. She walked over and sat down on the arm of the chair, putting an arm around her sister-in-law. "But I know he's going to wake up, you know why?" Amelia shook her head. "Because he's Derek Shepherd, the perfect golden boy who never does anything halfway. That Derek would never leave anything unfinished, including his life. You watch, he's going to wake up and make us all feel inferior for even doubting him in the first place."

Amelia gave a weak smile and turned back to her brother. Meredith was glad that her words were convincing enough to give Amelia hope, because she wasn't sure she believed them. She couldn't completely give up because she hadn't seen Derek's scans yet, but considering their track record with unfortunate events, it seemed more likely that everything wouldn't turn out the way she hoped it would. What was it she had said once? They were like a lightning rod for the big, scary disasters. Funny how neither one of them had been struck by lightning. It seemed to her like it was just about the only disaster card the universe hadn't laid on them yet. Meredith had to keep herself from laughing at her own gallows humor. She'd been known to have inappropriate emotional responses in the past, but laughing over her husband's comatose body seemed like crossing a line.

She pulled Amelia close for a minute before she stood.

"I have to go call Callie and make sure Zola and Bailey are okay. Feel free to stay here as long as you like." Amelia nodded in response and grabbed Derek's hand.

Out in the hallway, Meredith savored the few minutes to herself. Callie didn't answer her first call, so Meredith killed some time by getting herself a coffee and a bite to eat. When Callie did call back, she assured Meredith that Zola and Bailey were doing fine and put them on the phone to talk to her. Bailey merely babbled to Meredith about his imaginary turtle friend. Zola, however, spent her time asking questions about Derek's condition and when she could see him. Finally, after Meredith assured her that she could see her daddy very soon, Zola handed the phone back to Callie. There was an awkward silence as the two women paused on either end of the phone. Callie was too polite to ask about Derek, and Meredith didn't even know how to start explaining what had happened, though she was sure Callie had heard at least some of it. Eventually, Callie's voice came across the line,

"Your kids are welcome to stay here as long as you need, Meredith. It's no trouble, and Sofia loves having them around. You just be there for Derek."

After thanking Callie, Meredith ended the call and fell against the wall with a sigh. She felt guilty having to leave her kids with anyone for two nights in a row, even if it was Callie. She heard someone approach from down the hall and then stop near her; when she looked up she found Edie, who immediately began to speak.

"Your husband's vitals are stable, which is a good sign. It means that the repairs on his abdominal injuries are holding. Dr. Cohn wants to get a baseline CT tomorrow, just so he can assess the condition of Derek's brain now and compare it to any future scans. Also, I asked a nurse to bring you a cot so you can sleep a little more comfortably tonight."

Meredith gave Edie a small smile of thanks and walked further down the hall, stopping when she was in front of Derek's room.

"You know," Edie offered from behind her, "it's okay to talk to patients who are in a comas. Somewhere, deep in their subconscious, they can hear you. There's no concrete medical research to back it up, but some doctors believe that it can help a brain heal faster. Or maybe it just reassures patients that someone is there for them. Either way, it can't hurt, can it?"

* * *

"I've been thinking about what you said Derek, and I just wanted to tell you I agree," Meredith whispered. Amelia had left and she was once again alone with her husband. Remembering Edie's words from earlier, she had decided to give talking a try.

"I know you thought it probably wasn't the best time for us to have another baby, but who are we kidding? There's never going to be a good time. Our careers can wait, I want them to wait. Family is what matters right now, and I want ours to be better. I want more time with you and Zola and Bailey. I want another baby. I just want more.

* * *

 _….More…_

 _The voice echoed through his head. It was a nice voice, familiar, but he couldn't place it. It didn't matter, though, because soon he was floating away, the word echoing into silence behind him._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It had been a week and there was still no change. Though Derek's vitals remained stable and his abdominal injuries were close to being healed, he remained in the coma. Meredith stood next to his bed, comparing two sets of CT scans-one from a week ago and another from that morning. If she squinted and turned her head at just the right angle, she thought she could distinguish a difference between the two. She couldn't really be sure. If there was any change, it was so small that it probably wouldn't have had any effect on Derek's condition anyway. That's what Dr. Cohn had told her this morning too.

"Well," he had said as he studied the scans, "I don't see any change from the last scan, at least not anything significant. Let's just take it as a good sign that the swelling isn't getting worse."

Meredith sighed and absentmindedly ran her fingers through her hair, noting that she should probably shower soon. She was exhausted. The first few nights she had spent in the hospital with Derek. Two days ago she had gone home and spent the night with her kids before dropping them off at Callie's again in the morning. Callie had been an absolute godsend this past week, but she couldn't be the permanent solution. The hospital only afforded its surgeons so many vacation days, and Meredith knew Callie would soon be itching to get back into the OR. That's why yesterday, Meredith had called Derek's mother.

Fortunately Amelia had also been in contact with her mother, so the news of Derek's accident didn't come as a complete surprise. Carolyn Shepherd still gave Meredith a piece of her mind, but in true motherly fashion, she did it more out of concern than anger.

"Meredith Grey! What has gotten into you! Operating on your own husband. What happened to the brains that the good Lord gave you? Suppose something had happened? There's a reason why doctors aren't allowed to treat their family members, you know. Emotions cloud your judgement. But enough about that. You're okay and Derek's….well, Derek's alive and that's enough for me to know that you made the right choice. Now, when do I get to come see my grandbabies?"

"How soon can you book a flight?" Meredith had asked.

"I'll be there tomorrow," Carolyn had promised.

Carolyn had been true to her word; she had gotten the soonest flight she could. Amelia was at the airport right now to pick her up. Meredith stretched out her back and, with one last glance at her husband, walked out of the room. Glancing at the clock above the nurses' station, she noted that it had been over an hour since Amelia had left. With a smile at Nurse Hannah, Meredith walked out of the ICU and down to the lobby to wait for her mother-in-law.

It wasn't long before a warm voice greeted her.

"Meredith, darling! How have you been?" The words were accompanied by a hug and Meredith found herself quickly enfolded in Carolyn's arms. "You're too skinny dear," Carolyn continued as she studied Meredith. "And you look positively dreadful. You could use a good meal and some sleep."

"I know Mrs. Shepherd-"

"Call me Carolyn"

"Oh, okay, Carolyn," Meredith replied, "I've been spending a lot of time here at the hospital and I guess I've kind of let myself go a little."

"Well that's all going to change now dear," Derek's mother assured her. "It's not just you and Amelia anymore. Derek has a whole team of Shepherds on his side, which means you will go home and get some rest."

Before Meredith had a chance to fully comprehend what Carolyn had said, she heard Amelia arguing with someone, no, two someones, outside. The sliding doors opened and in walked Amelia, in a heated debate with Lizzie and Nancy-two more of Derek's sisters.

"All I'm saying is that if you had let me drive we would have gotten here faster," Amelia stated.

"No way you could have gotten us here faster," Nancy countered. "Besides, I wasn't going to let my baby sister drive the rental car that I'm paying for."

"Oh please, Nancy. You made me pay for half of it," Lizzie pointed out.

"Girls," warned Carolyn, stopping their argument with the ease of someone who had years of practice. Lizzie rolled her eyes at her two sisters and walked over to Meredith, greeting her with a hug."

"Hi Lizzie," said Meredith, still slightly stunned. "I have to say I'm surprised to see you. Pleasantly surprised, but surprised.

"Well Mom called to tell us what happened," replied Lizzie, who kept her arms wrapped around Meredith, "and your only brother being in a coma seemed like a pretty good reason to take a few weeks off. Plus I get to see my favorite niece and nephew."

"You know," Nancy interjected, clearly poised to go into full bitch mode, "I especially loved the part where we, Derek's family, found out about his accident a week after it happened. And through the family grapevine too. A call would have been nice, Meredith, even if you are doing your best to cut us out of yours and Derek's life."

"Nancy!" Carolyn jumped in, but Meredith was quicker. She was too tired, stressed, and worried to deal with Nancy's constant disdain for her.

"I don't have to explain anything to you, Nancy!" Meredith snapped. "And honestly, I don't think you'd even listen to me if I tried. To you, I'm always going to be the slutty intern who stole your husband away from Addison, something I don't think I could change no matter how hard I try. So, no. I didn't call you. But you haven't ever called me, or Derek. Not for eleven years. I may have some pretty big family issues, but I know enough to know that's not how family is supposed to work. The way I see it, you're as much to blame as I am"

What followed Meredith's outburst was a stunned silence that nobody seemed keen to break. Nancy was glaring at Meredith, who held her ground and calmly stared right back. Finally Amelia jumped in.

"I hate to break up this love fest, but we do have a brother in a coma upstairs. Maybe we should…?" she made a gesture to move the family along.

"Of course," said Meredith, breaking eye contact with Nancy, "I'll show you where he is."

The whole way up to Derek's room, Meredith could feel Nancy's eyes burning holes in the back of her skull. As she showed her into Derek's room, Meredith received one last death glare from Nancy. Grabbing Amelia's arm before she could go in Meredith hissed,

"A little warning would have been nice!"

"I had no idea, I swear!" Amelia winced in pain, causing Meredith to loosen her grip on Amelia's arm. "I was just as shocked as you were when they showed up at the airport with mom. And they're here now, so play nice, especially with Nancy, or they'll never leave."

 _God,_ thought Meredith as she watched the family gather around the bed, _so much for relaxing._

* * *

Despite her initial misgivings, the support of Derek's mother and sisters was proving to be quite helpful. Quickly after their arrival, a schedule of sorts had developed. Every night one of them would sleep at the hospital with Derek, while the rest stayed at the house. This had allowed them to keep a constant eye on Derek, as well as creating reliable childcare for Zola and Bailey. Carolyn had promised to remain with Meredith for as long as she needed. However, Lizzie and Nancy's two weeks in Seattle were almost up. Tonight was their last night before they flew home. It was also the one night of the week that Meredith brought her kids to see their daddy, so the whole family was gathered in Derek's room. The only person missing was Amelia, who had been paged back to Grey Sloan for an incoming trauma.

At first, Meredith had been concerned about Zola, and especially Bailey, seeing Derek in his current condition. However, her fears had been unfounded as her kids took it in stride. Bailey might as well have been blind to all the monitors and machines. The first time she had brought him to see Derek he had begged to be let up on the bed. Meredith, cautious of all the wires and tubes, had carefully placed Bailey on the bed, only to have her heart melt when her son snuggled up against his daddy. Currently, he was seated at the foot of the bed, using crayons to draw Derek a picture-dozens of which were already plastered on the walls.

Zola had been much more wary of all the machines. The first time she saw Derek after the accident she had simply stood by his bed, afraid that even holding his hand would hurt him. No amount of reassurance from Meredith, her grandma, or her aunts could convince her that it was okay to touch her daddy. It was Edie, who could often be found hovering around Derek's room, who had finally gotten Zola comfortable with the life support machines. It had become a game for Zola to point to a machine and for Edie to explain what it was. And Zola, being the quick learner that she was, had memorized all of the details that Edie had shared.

"Grandma, that's Daddy's vent," she stated to Carolyn. "Vent is short for ven..ventil…ventilator." she struggled with the word. "The tube goes down his throat and breathes for him to keep him alive"

"Very good sweetheart," smiled Carolyn.

"You'll make a surgeon of her yet," added Lizzie.

The Shepherd women were trying to keep a positive face for her kids, but Meredith could tell that they were just as disappointed as she was that Derek hadn't woken up yet. Even Nancy, who had been ignoring Meredith for the most part, had given her a supportive touch on the arm this morning. Derek's most recent scans had shown that the swelling was receding, however, Derek had given them no hope that he was going to wake up. Three and a half weeks was a long time for anyone to be in a coma; so long, in fact, that the hospital and sent someone to Meredith to discuss withdrawing life-supporting measures; an idea that she had quickly shot down. Derek's medical directive clearly stated that life support should only be stopped if there was no sign of brain activity, and his last EEG had shown minimal brain activity. Insignificant activity, but enough that there was still a basis to continue with the life support.

Meredith gave Bailey a weak smile as he handed her a completed drawing. Like most children's drawings, it was mostly colored scribbles, but there were four stick people clearly depicted in the center.

"What did you draw?" she asked her son.

"Me, Zo-Zo, Mommy and Daddy!" her son happily responded.

"It's very good," said Nancy as she taped it above Derek's head, "we'll put it right here so Daddy can see it when he wakes up."

"Alright kiddos, it's time to let Daddy get some peace and quiet," Meredith said, keeping her voice as cheerful as she could. "Let's walk Aunt Lizzie and Aunt Nancy to their car now."

She herded her kids out of the room to give the family a quiet moment with Derek. She watched as Lizzie and Nancy both kissed their brother's forehead and when the two sisters exited the room, Meredith pretended not to notice their tear-streaked faces. She grabbed Lizzie's hand and held on tight for the entire walk out to the car. After everyone had hugged each other and said their goodbyes, Meredith found herself face-to-face with Nancy, who looked like she had something to say.

"I don't think you're just the slutty intern," Nancy started, "and I'm sorry you ever believed that was the case. I've seen how you are with Derek and it's clear that you love him. It's true that I may never understand why you are who you are, but I just wanted to say that I'm willing to try. Family has to be there for each other, and you're family too…" she trailed off and stood awkwardly in front of Meredith, who finally took the initiative and wrapped her in a hug.

"I'll try too," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

After the last goodbyes had been said, Lizzie and Nancy got into their car, along with Carolyn, who was going with them to the airport. Meredith knelt down beside her kids and waved with them as the car drove away. After it was out of sight Meredith realized she was once again alone, if only temporarily. And for the first time since the accident, she allowed herself to wonder what her life would be like if Derek never woke up.

* * *

She wanted to get drunk.

Her kids were asleep, Carolyn was staying the night at the hospital, and there was a bottle of tequila in front of her. She wanted to get drunk to forget the fact that she was essentially a widow.

Dr. Cohn had stopped trying to reassure her that Derek might wake up. His latest CT scans had shown that the swelling had receded and his brain was healthy again. However, the lack of brain activity observed his EEG's wasn't good. Without the right amount of activity, it was highly unlikely that Derek would be able to regain consciousness, even if the doctors reversed the coma. Last week, Derek's brain activity had spiked for the first time, giving her hope for the first time, but those hopes were quickly dashed when the activity dropped back to its previous level two days later. It had now been six weeks since the accident. Today the hospital had sent someone, for the fourth time in three weeks, to discuss withdrawing Derek's care. The first three people they sent had been fortunate. The poor intern they sent today was nursing a nasty head laceration courtesy of the vase Meredith had thrown at his head. Though she had apologized profusely, she knew that the nurses and doctors were staring at her wherever she went, feeling sorry for the sad, crazy, woman who was basically a widow.

The stress was also beginning to take its toll. Not only was Meredith irritable, as the poor intern could attest, but she had completely lost her appetite. Because she wasn't eating she had lost weight and was constantly nauseous, but tonight that didn't matter. Tonight she was going to get drunk and forget about all of that.

She was about to start downing the other half of the tequila bottle when her phone buzzed from the coffee table. She ignored it and poured herself another shot, but the damn thing kept vibrating. Finally annoyed enough to bother, Meredith walked over to turn off her phone. When she saw who was calling, she paused. The only reason Carolyn would be calling her this late was if….no. She refused to let herself get her hopes up. That way it would hurt less when they were crushed. She answered the phone, but she didn't even have a chance to speak before Carolyn's excited voice echoed across the line.

"He's awake! Derek's awake and he's asking for you!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _Everything hurt._

 _That much he could tell. He was still pretty confused about where he was and why he was in pain, but the fact that he could feel the pain was somehow comforting. He had been floating and then everything had gotten brighter and louder and he started moving faster until everything stopped. And then the pain had hit him like a semi-truck._

 _He opened his eyes slowly, blinking to adjust his eyes to the bright light. He was looking at a ceiling; a hospital ceiling, he was pretty sure. Had he fainted in surgery? He hoped not. If he had, Mark would never let him hear the end of it. All of the sudden, a loud voice near his head squealed,_

"Oh my God! Dr. Shepherd! You're awake!"

He tried to come up with a smart response, but all he could manage was a groan. He had a splitting headache and the voice wasn't helping. He closed his eyes to block out the bright light of the room.

"Page Dr. Cohn," the voice whispered to someone else before continuing. "Dr. Shepherd? Can you hear me? My name is Edie. Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital," Derek managed. His mouth was so dry that his tongue felt like a deadweight in his mouth.

"Very good Dr. Shepherd. You are in a hospital, you're at Dillard Medical Center. You had an accident and we've been taking care of you. Now can you open your eyes for me again? I need to make sure you're doing okay. And there's someone here I'm sure you'd like to see."

Derek blinked his eyes open again only to have them accosted by Edie and her pen light. "He's neurologically stable," she told the nurse standing next to her, "let's raise his head, please."

As the bed raised Derek into a sitting position, he was finally able to observe his surroundings. He was, in fact, in a hospital, but clearly not one of the caliber he was used to. His room was small and plain. The walls were white, with no adornments other than a whiteboard labeled 'ICU Room 3' followed by his name and what he assumed was his treatment plan. Through the glass door he could see a small nurses' station, which was currently unattended. _How on earth did I end up here?_ Derek wondered. Bringing his gaze back around his room, he noticed that the folding chair next to his bed was occupied by none other than his mother.

"Derek," she breathed, tears glistening in her eyes, "you have no idea how glad I am to see you awake."

"Mom," Derek breathed, and was rewarded with a watery smile from his mother. Now he was even more confused. What was his mother doing here? And why was she so emotional? Never in his life had he seen her like this. Carolyn Shepherd never cried, happy or sad. He looked over to Edie in confusion.

"Dr. Cohn will be here soon," she responded to his silent question, "he'll be able to explain everything. Can I get you anything? Some water, maybe?"

Derek nodded his head and Edie reached behind her for a cup with a straw. As she held it for him, he gulped down the entire cup. When he finished he turned back to his mother and attempted speech again.

"Where's my wife?" he asked, haltingly.

"She went home for the night, dear," his mother smiled, "but I can go call her now. She'll be so excited to know you're awake. I'm sure she'll be here as soon as possible."

He nodded and his mother grabbed her cell phone. Before she left, though, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. Derek gave her a smile in return. When his mother had left the room, Edie continued with her exam, checking his monitors and doing other simple tests. Derek recognized the series of tests she was doing, they were standard for someone who had just come out of a coma. But he hadn't been in a coma; he had just passed out and fallen. He looked questioningly again at Edie, who once again told him to wait for Dr. Cohn.

Thirty minutes later his mother re-entered the room.

"She's on her way," she informed Derek as she closed the door. "I also spoke with all of your sisters, who are extremely delighted to hear that you are awake. Though Lizzie did call you an…asshat, I believe was the phrase she used, for not waking up sooner."

Derek smiled; that sounded like Lizzie. However, his mother's words once again begged the question-how long had he been in a coma? He didn't have to wait much longer to find out. A couple minutes later a balding, middle-aged man entered the room.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm Eric Cohn, your neurosurgeon. You have no idea how nice it is to see you awake," he greeted Derek. He held out his hand to shake, and with some difficulty, Derek was able to extend his right hand to return the greeting. He found it odd that he had never heard of Dr. Cohn before. He tried to at least be aware of all the neurosurgeons who practiced close to him. This was a pretty small hospital, though. Maybe he had just missed it. When Dr. Cohn had finished being updated by Edie, he turned back to Derek and continued,

"So Edie tells me you are aware that you were in a coma. While that's true, there's a little more to it than that. You were in a pretty serious accident. Your car was blindsided by a semi. When you came to us you had pretty serious abdominal crush injuries and both of your lungs had collapsed. You also had a brain bleed that we needed to fix. While you were in surgery you experienced relatively severe brain swelling that wasn't able to be reversed with Manitol. For that reason, I thought it best to put you in a medically induced coma until the swelling subsided. You've been in that coma for a little over six weeks."

Derek was shocked. No wonder his mother looked so relieved when he woke up. Six weeks was a long time to be in a coma. He was especially lucky that he didn't seem to be experiencing any problems from the swelling.

"You're extremely lucky," Dr. Cohn echoed his thoughts. "Not only have your abdominal wounds healed and your brain returned to normal, you also don't seem to be experiencing any neurological deficits from the swelling. Granted, because you were immobile for such a long time, you will require physical therapy to rebuild your muscle tone, but that is expected for any patient coming out of a coma. You are a very, very lucky man."

As Dr. Cohn was shaking Derek's hand one more time, the door behind him slid open and someone else entered the room. After glancing over his shoulder to see who the newcomer was, Dr. Cohn leaned down to whisper in Derek's ear,

"Be sure you thank this one," he nodded to the person behind him, "She was the one who caught your brain bleed. Without her, you would most likely be dead right now."

He straightened and gave Derek a pat on the shoulder before he turned to leave. As he walked out he also shook hands with Derek's mother and the new woman who had entered the room. The first thing Derek had noticed about her was that she was pretty, hot even. She also looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place her. A coworker, perhaps? Or a family friend?

"You're awake," the woman stated as she smiled and walked toward the bed. "You know, you scared the hell out of me. It takes a lot to do that, but somehow you managed to…" she stopped talking as she noticed Derek's confused look.

"Well, Derek?" his mother asked. "Aren't you going to say thank you?"

Derek studied her face for a few seconds more before he responded,

"Thank you," he started, still trying to recall who this woman was. "I'm sorry for staring, it's just that I'm having a lot of trouble remembering who you are."

The woman froze. Her mouth opened and closed, but she seemed unable to form any words. Noticing this, his mother stepped in again.

"Of course you remember her Derek. You asked for her. This is your wife."

"That's not my wife


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"That's not my wife"

The words were like a knife straight to her heart. All of the things she had wished for, the hope she had finally allowed herself to feel, came crashing down around her. It would have been better if Derek had lost his memory completely. What had happened was worse. He had memories, but no memory of her.

She found herself frozen, heart pounding in her ears. She knew what this was. The fight or flight response. Her body deciding whether or not to stay and confront the problem or run away. Only, in this moment, she didn't feel like she was in control of her body. Then her legs were moving, feet slapping the tile floor as she ran out of Derek's room and bolted down the hallway. After she had burst through the front doors of the hospital she paused, hands on her knees, to catch her breath. As the adrenaline wore off, she felt another involuntary response take over and she threw up.

While she emptied her stomach in the hospital parking lot, the events of the previous hour played through her head.

 _She hung up with Carolyn in a trance. It seemed so surreal. One minute she was about to drink herself into a stupor to forget, and the next minute, she didn't need to anymore. As she stood up from the couch, her stomach lurched and her head spun. Crap. Damn Tequila. She couldn't drive like this. It wouldn't do Derek any good if she showed up to the hospital on a gurney. Bracing herself on the arm of the couch, she waited for the nausea to pass. Once her stomach had returned to normal and her head stopped spinning, she made her way down the hallway to Amelia's room. Not bothering to knock, she was rewarded with the sight of Amelia and Owen doing something she thoroughly wished she hadn't seen._

" _Oh my God, Meredith! Haven't you heard of knocking?" Amelia screamed, as an embarrassed Owen made a futile attempt to cover himself._

 _Horrified, yet amused, Meredith backed out of the room, waiting behind a closed door for the pair to make themselves decent. When they emerged Meredith told them the good news-Derek was alive and his memory was intact. After a few minutes in which there was a lot of crying and hugging, Amelia offered to drive Meredith to the hospital while Owen offered to stay at the house with the kids. Clearly they were both too tactful to point out the fact that Meredith was more than a little drunk._

As she vomited again, Meredith silently cursed herself for drinking so much. She should have known she'd lose her tolerance to alcohol as she got older. Or maybe it was Amelia's driving. Meredith was pretty sure that Amelia had broken every rule in the Washington Drivers Guide to get them here as fast as she did. Not that it had made any difference. Her husband didn't know who she was. No amount of speeding could fix that.

Once she had emptied all of her stomach contents into the parking lot shrubbery she felt slightly better. Physically, at least. Wiping her mouth, she walked on unsteady legs back toward the hospital. The first thing she did was find a bathroom. After checking to make sure she was alone, she locked the door behind her. Standing in front of the mirror, she stared at her reflection, hardly recognizing the woman she saw. Her face was sunken and unhealthily pale. Her eyes were bloodshot and outlined by thick, dark circles. Her hair was an absolute mess, knotted and frizzy. This woman didn't look strong, she looked like she was the one who belonged in the hospital.

"Think," she commanded her reflection. "This is a crisis and you can't freeze. You have to move forward. And to do that, you need a plan."

She splashed cold water on her face and attempted to contain her hair while mulling over the workings of a plan. By the time she was ready to leave the bathroom, she knew what had to be done.

Walking back towards Derek's room she spotted Dr. Cohn in deep conversation with Carolyn and Amelia.

"Oh good, Dr. Grey," he said when he spotted her, "come join us. I was just discussing Derek's condition with Dr. and Mrs. Shepherd."

"Please, continue," said Meredith when she was within earshot.

"I was just telling these ladies that Derek is likely experiencing a form of traumatic amnesia. It isn't uncommon for patients who have been in accidents like his. It's also unlikely that it will be permanent. With a lot of support and therapy, we can often see patients make a relatively full recovery in one to two years. Now, the next step is-"

"Dr. Cohn, I'm going to stop you right there," Meredith interrupted. "I don't mean to be rude, but it is my wish that Derek be transferred to a larger hospital. I was afraid to move him while he was still in the coma, but now that he is awake I want to give him access to a larger facility with better-trained doctors and therapists. With your permission," she glanced at Carolyn and Amelia, "Derek will be transferred to Grey-Sloan in the morning."

Dr. Cohn drew back, looking stung. However, he managed to maintain his mask of professionalism.

"I understand, Dr. Grey," he responded. "I am deeply sorry for everything you and your family have gone through while at this hospital. I hope you will find better luck at Grey-Sloan. I will tell the nurses to prep your husband for transport in the morning." With a nod in Carolyn and Amelia's directions, he turned and walked away. Once he was out of sight, Meredith turned back to her mother- and sister-in-law.

"I'm sorry for making this decision without consulting you," Meredith apologized to the two women. "I just decided myself. I just want to make sure Derek is getting the best possible care."

"You don't have to explain anything to us, dear," Carolyn reassured her. "He is still your husband, whether he knows it or not. I trust your judgement."

"Plus," added Amelia, "it will be much more convenient for him to be back in Seattle. A lot less travelling, a bigger support system. You could even start to go back to work."

Hearing their approval was a huge relief to Meredith. Of course, she hadn't been expecting them to flat out disapprove, but knowing that the Shepherd ladies had her back was reassuring.

"Thank you so much," she whispered as the ladies pulled her into a hug. Looking over their shoulders she could see Derek watching them from his bed.

"He'll get better," Amelia whispered fiercely. "He will."

* * *

The horrified face of the woman was burned into his memory. Ever since she had bolted from his room, he hadn't been able to shake it. Four words from him had completely destroyed her. He wanted to apologize, however, that would be difficult because he hadn't seen her since she had left his room. Well, he had seen her once more, through the glass windows of his room. She had been locked in an embrace with his mother and sister. If they knew who she was, then she wasn't a stranger. He felt bad for what he had done to her, but he honestly couldn't remember who she was.

To make matters worse, now no one was telling him anything. His mother had left his room shortly after the woman did, only returning briefly to tell him that she had to go for the night. Dr. Cohn had come in to run more tests, but he wouldn't tell Derek why. Then later, several nurses had come in and switched him over to portable IVs and monitors. When he asked what was going on, the only thing they would tell him was that he was being moved. Now he was sitting in the back of an ambulance with his sister, and even she was doing her best to keep him in the dark.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital," Amelia replied.

"Where's that?"

"Seattle."

"Did I move to Seattle before my accident?"

"You did."

"Will Addison be there?"

"She will."

"Who was the woman in my hospital room?" Here Amelia hesitated, but she answered,

"Dr. Grey."

"Do I know her?" This time Amelia remained silent. After several minutes, Derek tried again.

"Do I work in Seattle?"

"Yes, at Grey-Sloan."

"Are you still in school?"

"No, Derek. I'm a surgeon too. A neurosurgeon. At Grey-Sloan." Amelia sighed. This was going to open a whole other can of worms.

"You finished school? How long was I asleep?" Derek asked, worried.

"Too long," Amelia responded cryptically, "too long."

Derek sat in shocked silence. The last he knew, Amelia had been finishing up her fourth year of medical school. If she was a surgeon now, that would mean that at least eight years had passed since the last thing he remembered. But that was impossible. His memory was fine. He knew who he was, he recognized his family, and he was sure that he remembered how to be a surgeon. There was no way he had memory damage. Something had happened, though. There was no other explanation for the holes in his memories, or the way that the woman-Dr. Grey-had looked at him. Lost in his thoughts, Derek only asked one more question during the remainder of the ride.

"Am I going to be ok?" he whispered to his sister.

"I truly hope so," she whispered back, "for everyone's sake."

* * *

Twelve hours later, she was once again looking into her husband's hospital room, but this time the room was at Grey-Sloan Memorial. From what Amelia had told her, the transport had gone fine. Derek, however, was extremely confused. During the ride to Seattle, she said, he had been asking a lot of questions about why he was in Seattle and who the woman in his hospital room had been. He had also been asking for Addison, who he thought was his wife. Amelia had answered as many of his questions as best she could, without giving away too many details, but she wasn't sure how to answer them all. How was she supposed to explain that he had forgotten the past twelve years of his life? Forgotten his wife, his kids, the life they had built?

Meredith didn't have the answers, and neither did Dr. Taylor, the therapist from Grey-Sloan that Meredith had chosen to work with Derek. When they had talked last night Dr. Taylor had suggested that Derek be spared as many of the details from the twelve forgotten years as possible. It was best, she believed, that the amount of information he received be controlled; give him small details and see if his memory would fill in the gaps. She had also suggested that Meredith minimize her contact with him until after he became more comfortable with what had happened and he knew that she was his wife. Meredith was only too happy to oblige. She couldn't look at Derek without hearing his voice whisper _"that's not my wife"_ in her head. It wasn't his fault, she couldn't blame him, but distance was what she needed right now.

After she had finished her call with Dr. Taylor, Meredith had also been tasked with calling Addison. It was Dr. Taylor's belief that meeting Addison would be good for Derek, who had been insistent that he see her. Seeing her, she said, might help Derek begin to comprehend the fact that he was missing twelve years' worth of memories. So Meredith found herself on the phone with Addison. Once upon a different time, that call would have been awkward, but they had long resolved their differences. Addison had moved on in California. She had gotten remarried to Jake, another doctor, and adopted Henry, the child she had always dreamed of. She was truly happy, and fortunately, no longer pissed at Meredith or Derek. Addison had also heard about Derek's accident. Apparently the news had traveled quickly through medical gossip circles. She was relieved to hear that Derek had woken up, and fortunately for Meredith, was willing to fly up to Seattle.

Meredith glanced again into her husband's room. He was asleep, which was the only reason she was there. She had spent most of her time since arriving at Grey-Sloan holed up in an on-call room. She had told Amelia it was so Derek wouldn't see her and ask questions, but in all honesty, she was hiding from the staff just as much as she was hiding from her husband. She was used to stares. She had gotten used to them way back in her intern year when she was the "slutty intern" sleeping with her attending. But the stares she was getting now were different. These were pity stares. Sure, people had questions. For instance, why had Meredith Grey-board member and attending general surgeon-been suspended by Dr. Webber for doing something that had saved her husband's life? But mostly people felt sorry for her, and that was uncomfortable. So she was hiding in an on-call room with nothing but insurance forms and medical bills to keep her company. At least they held good news. The trucking company, Rhimes Trucking Inc., was found to be at complete fault for the whole accident. They routinely overworked their drivers, pushing them to make faster and faster runs, which led to stress, sleep deprivation, and an unsafe working environment. The poor driver who had crashed into Derek had been driving almost constantly for five days, with only a one or two hour nap each day. He had been nodding off at the wheel when his truck went off the road and hit Derek's car. Because they were at fault, the company had opted to settle, agreeing to pay for all of Derek's medical bills.

Meredith wished they had also offered to take care of all the paperwork too. She had been staring at accident reports and finance statements all morning and her head was ready to explode. She was also still slightly hungover from last night's tequila; nothing was helping shake her nausea. She put her hands on her temples and rubbed small circles, hoping to make herself feel better. Then the door opened to reveal a nurse.

"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry to interrupt," she apologized, "but there's a Dr. Montgomery outside to see you?"

"Yes, I'm coming," Meredith replied. She stood up and then instantly regretted it. The room was spinning, everything going in and out of focus. As she struggled to walk across the room she felt herself sway unsteadily. She heard the nurse cry out for help and the sound of footsteps approaching the room. The last thing she saw before she hit the floor was the shocked face of Dr. Addison Montgomery.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

 **A/N: Hey all. I know I've been absent for like six months, but college has been sucking up all of my free time. I'm on break for a couple of days so I'll try to post some new chapters!**

* * *

When she woke up a few minutes later she was lying on a gurney. Her head hurt. Her right arm hurt. Actually, everything hurt. And she was still nauseous. She groaned and tried to sit up, but that only made things worse. Before she could ask for a basin she had vomited all over the floor. Embarrassed, she turned her head to observe the crowd she had gathered at the nurse's station across the hall. Great, she thought. I have once again become the scandal of the week.

Just then her crowd of onlookers scattered as Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Reilly strode in her direction. Her time in California had really been good to her. Not only was she now a mother, but she'd also managed to make quite a name for herself in the maternal-fetal medicine world. However, she still commanded the same amount of fearful respect that she had when she worked at the then-Seattle Grace hospital.

"God the hospital gossip-mongers never cease, do they?" she remarked at the backs of the scattering interns and nurses. "I love how some things never change."

"You know this hospital," Meredith commented. "You're the juicy gossip for twenty minutes until something more exciting comes along."

"Don't I know it," remarked the older woman. "I can still remember the stares I got after I showed up twelve years ago. I had such a nice nickname too. What was it again…?"

"Satan, I believe."

"Oh that's right! Though I was also partial to 'Ruler of All That is Evil'. It had a nice ring to it."

Meredith laughed as Addison pretended to strike a regal pose. Unfortunately, this only made her nauseous again. She leaned over the side of the gurney and emptied her stomach of whatever remaining contents it held.

"Watch out for that," she said feebly to Addison, attempting a joke.

"I'll get somebody to call the janitor," Addison said nonchalantly. "As for you, I am sending you down for a CT and some blood work."

"Oh, no, really Addison," Meredith protested. "I'm fine. I'm just tired, hungover, stressed, and I haven't eaten in the last twenty-four hours."

Addison gave her a disapproving look. "Be that as it may, I still want to run some tests. And besides, you of all people should know the importance of a CT scan after any sort of head trauma, no matter how small."

"Low blow Addison," Meredith complained, but she was too exhausted to protest any further. Besides, as a doctor she did know the importance of covering all bases. Skip a step and, well, bad things happened.

"Good," stated Addison. "I'll come find you after you're done with your tests. Try not to terrorize any unsuspecting orderlies."

As she turned to go, Meredith called after her,

"Addison? You haven't been to see Derek yet, have you?"

The tall redhead looked back at Meredith. She wore the same look of pity that Meredith had become so accustomed to seeing. "I haven't yet," she hesitated. "Do you want me to wait…?"

"Please," Meredith asked. It came out more pleading than she intended, but Addison simply gave her an understanding smile.

"Okay," she said. "I'll see you in a few.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Meredith was finally done being poked and prodded. She had behaved herself through the CT scan and neuro exam, but was losing her patience with the first-year intern assigned to draw her blood. It was his third attempt and he still hadn't found a vein.

"Look," she snapped. "If you're just going to stab me with that needle, you may as well put some weight behind it!"

"I…I'm so sorry Dr. Grey," the intern sputtered. "I'm just…having trouble finding a…ah!" The intern looked up with a sheepish face. "I found the vein," he mumbled.

Meredith looked at him with disapproval. "Good. Now are you done? I have places to be."

"Well, my resident said that Dr. Montgomery said that you're supposed to…" the intern trailed off, once again quieted by Meredith's stare. "I'll just take this sample to the lab," he hesitated, and then quickly left the room.

Alone, once again, Meredith straightened her clothes and examined herself in the exam room mirror. She had dark circles under her eyes, but that was nothing new. The discolored bags seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face these days. She knew she looked unhealthy, but she had been so busy just trying to keep her head above the water. Taking care of her kids, and Derek, and dealing with all of the aftermath of the accident had consumed her life. She hadn't gotten back to work yet, but she was going to have to soon if she wanted to keep her job. She had no idea when the last time was that she had had any time just for herself. Sighing, she regarded her reflection one more time. She looked like hell, but she supposed it would have to do.

Leaving the exam room, she headed towards the attending's lounge in search of Addison. Sure enough, she was seated on one of the couches, swapping fetal surgery stories with Arizona, who had recently finished her fetal surgery fellowship with Dr. Nicole Herman and was taking over running the department.

"I worked with Nicole on a case once," Addison was saying. "We didn't get along too well. She was too much like me – a tall, stubborn redhead who didn't like to be told no."

"But it did make for an interesting fellowship," Arizona countered. "For 30 days, every day, a different surgery. It was the fastest, most intense training I ever had. I just wish it hadn't ended like it did with the tumor. She didn't deserve to lose her sight."

"Is she enjoying teaching though?"

"I think she is…Or at least, she's too stubborn to admit that she's fed up with students."

Arizona and Addison shared a laugh as Meredith entered the room.

"Oh, Meredith!" Arizona exclaimed. "Good to see you're back on your feet. I heard what happened this morning."

"Yeah, you and everyone else," Meredith complained as she lowered herself into a chair.

"Here. Eat." Addison pushed a sandwich towards Meredith.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm not rea-"

"And don't tell me you're not hungry," Addison interrupted. "You're doing nobody any favors by starving yourself. Eat the sandwich."

Nodding, Meredith began taking little bites out of the sandwich as Addison and Arizona returned to swapping surgery stories. Meredith followed their conversation, but didn't say much as her mouth was too full of food to speak. She would never admit it to Addison, but she had been right. Meredith was pretty hungry and the sandwich tasted pretty darn good.

The conversation was once again interrupted, this time by the frightened intern who had drawn Meredith's blood.

"My resident told me to give this to you," he squeaked, handing Addison a manila file and running out of the room.

"My test results?" Meredith asked as Addison perused the file. She flipped to another page and her eyes froze.

"What?" asked Arizona, peeking over her shoulder to look at the results.

"What?" echoed Meredith, as both Arizona and Addison looked up at her.

"Meredith, you're pregnant."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _Derek checked his watch. 8:26 – it was getting late. He was supposed to have gone home after finishing a brain tumor resection on one of his private practice clients, but the chief of surgery at New York Presbyterian Hospital had twisted his arm to stay and assist with a particularly difficult head trauma case. It hadn't taken much persuading. To be honest, Derek missed the fast pace of working in a hospital. Switching to private practice had given him better hours and a better salary, but he still found himself reminiscing about his days as a neurosurgery fellow in New York City. His successes in the private sector hadn't been going unnoticed, however. He'd recently been getting calls from numerous hospitals offering him jobs as the head of neurosurgery. Only one had been truly enticing. Richard Webber, an old friend and the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, had called to say that he was looking for a new head of neuro, giving Derek a couple of days to consider his offer. He had seriously considered taking the job, but he wasn't sure how he could just pack up and leave New York. His life was here, after all._

 _Before entering the scrub room Derek pulled out his cell phone and typed in a number. After waiting a couple of rings the automated voice on the other end prompted him to leave a message._

" _Hey, it's me. I got persuaded to help out with an emergency case so I'm going to be here for a couple more hours. I don't know if you've left yet or not, but don't wait for me." Hearing the click of high heels approaching him he looked up to find the intended recipient of the voicemail striding towards him._

 _Sometimes he still couldn't believe that Addison Montgomery was his wife. She was tall, gorgeous, and smart. From the minute he saw her in medical school he had been infatuated. She had breezed through her maternal-fetal medicine fellowship and was beginning to attract impressive job offers of her own._

" _Hey honey," she called as she closed the distance between them. "I didn't know you were still here."_

" _Yeah, I was just calling you actually," Derek explained, hanging up the call, "so ignore that voicemail. I got asked to help out with a trauma case. Biker versus car; it doesn't look too good."_

" _You can't help yourself can you?" Addison laughed. "You're such a surgery junkie."_

" _Guilty," Derek shrugged. "Anyway, what are you still doing here? I thought you had a light day today?"_

" _I thought so too, but one of my patients went into labor. I did the in-utero spina bifida surgery on her baby so I just wanted to make sure everything went okay. Anyway, I'm exhausted so I'm heading home."_

" _You going to take a cab? I drove today, remember?"_

" _Oh right," Addison glanced down at her watch. "I might ask Mark to give me a ride home. I think he finished up a couple of minutes ago."_

" _Sounds good," said Derek, leaning in to give her a kiss. "Don't wait up for me."_

" _Wasn't planning on it," she retorted as she walked away, leaving only the faint hint of her perfume lingering in the air._

* * *

That smell. It was familiar. It was that perfume that she always wore. He turned his head to find Addison entering the room. Looking her over, he realized that he must have been out of it for longer than Amelia was letting on. Addison looked different. She was tan, first of all. It didn't look fake, more like a healthy glow that one would get from spending a good amount of time outside. Her hair was different; it was longer than he remembered, and straighter. Her once youthful face had aged slightly. There were now wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, with the faintest hint of dark circles.

She looked different, but he liked this Addison better, he decided. It wasn't as though he didn't like the way that she had looked before, but now she looked warmer and more alive. She smiled at him when she noticed he was staring at her.

"Hi Derek."

"Hi Addie. You look…good."

She looked down at herself, as though slightly confused, before looking back up at Derek and saying, "Oh yes. I guess it's been a while."

"How long, exactly?" asked Derek.

"Well you were in a coma for six weeks."

"Come on, Addie. You know that's not what I mean. The last thing I remember, Amelia was a fourth-year med student and now she tells me that she's an attending neurosurgeon. How many years of my life did I forget?"

Addison hesitated, clearly torn on whether or not to reveal the truth. After a couple of seconds she sighed and took Derek's hand.

"Look," she said. "I'm going to tell you the truth, but you have to promise that you're not going to flip out on me. No panic attacks, okay?" After Derek nodded she continued. "What was the last thing you remember?"

"I was in New York. I was scrubbing in for a biker versus car head trauma. You were there…" He trailed off as he tried to remember something more concrete. "It was April, I think. Just after Easter."

Addison's face remained stoic as she absorbed this information. Taking his hand she said, simply, "twelve years."

Derek's head fell back against the pillow in shock. Twelve years. More than a quarter of his life erased. He took several deep breaths to calm himself, remembering his promise to Addie. He opened his eyes again and looked at her, searching her face for some small clue about what had transpired in those twelve forgotten years.

"There was an accident?" he asked.

"You were blindsided by a semi. From what I understand you were lucky to survive. You suffered severe abdominal trauma and that brain bleed probably would have killed you if Mer- if Dr. Grey hadn't caught it."

Dr. Grey. There was that name again. The name of the woman from his hospital room. He hadn't seen her since he first woke up from his coma, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had met her before.

"This Dr. Grey," he asked Addison, "I didn't know her in New York, did I?"

"No you didn't. You met her after you moved to Seattle."

"And when did I move to Seattle?"

"About twelve years ago."

"And you came with me?"

She didn't answer, squeezing his hand instead. Looking down at their joined fingers he noticed she was wearing a wedding ring, but it wasn't the ring he remembered putting on her finger. This one was smaller, simpler, and unfamiliar to him.

"We're not married anymore, are we?" he asked. It came out like a question, but he already knew the answer.

"No," she said softly. "No we're not. We haven't been for almost twelve years."

"Why?"

"It's kind of a long story," Addison started. "The short version is, we started drifting apart and neither one of us tried to stop it. Then I cheated on you and our marriage was effectively over. You were mad, for a while, but you forgave both of us. There are no hard feelings anymore."

"Both of you?" Derek had picked up on Addison's choice of words. "So I know the guy? You're still with him?"

Addison paused again, clearly trying to figure out how to explain something to him. "He's…I'm….I'm not with him anymore. I moved to California and married someone else. Jake. He's a doctor too…"

She trailed off, leaving Derek to fill in the blanks. For some reason he wasn't extremely surprised to hear that his marriage to Addison had ended. What she was saying made sense. From what he remembered they had both started working more and more hours back in New York. Both of them had prioritized their jobs over their relationship. It was still strange to wake up and find out the marriage he remembered was over, but he felt oddly at peace with it all. What was still on his mind, however, was who Addison had cheated on him with. From the timeline she had given him it happened in New York. They had both worked for different practices, so they didn't have that many male friends in common. There were a couple from med school, but most of them were happily married-he couldn't see them having an affair. Except…

"It was Mark."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. Addison ducked her head, a slight blush creeping over her cheeks.

Derek felt the rage building up inside of him, but Addison's words ran through his head again. There were no hard feelings. He couldn't bring this up again, re-open this wound. It was clear that whatever had happened had been healed with time and it seemed best that he move on and forget about it. If he was going to get better then he needed to work towards a future, not re-live everything that had happened in his past. He took a deep breath and kept talking.

"But we're good now, Mark and I? There are no hard feelings?"

Addison looked up again, still visibly tense. She was clearly uncomfortable, and once again seemed to be struggling with what to say.

"It took a couple of years," she started, "but you did mend things. You became friends again. But Derek, Mark-"

Before she could finish speaking she was interrupted by the arrival of an older woman. She wasn't dressed in scrubs, but she did have a hospital ID clipped to her sweater. Her hair, which may have been brown at some earlier point in her life but was now mostly gray, was cut short around her face. Her face showed no emotion as she entered the room, and the conversation.

"Hello Derek, my name is Dr. Taylor. I am a therapist on staff here at the hospital. I'm going to work with you in daily sessions with the ultimate goal of recovering some of the memories you lost. Now I want you to feel…"

Derek had stopped listening to Dr. Taylor somewhere in the middle of her introduction when had abruptly gotten up and left the room. He had noticed something else, too. A single tear making its way down her face. As she left the room he saw the woman, Dr. Grey, hovering outside his door. As the door shut he watched her say something to Addison before glancing in at him. After the door had shut he turned his attention back to Dr. Taylor.

There was clearly something, or a lot of somethings, that he had forgotten. But he was determined to remember.


End file.
